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What’s the Angle of the Dangle?

corn penis, art in hartsfield jackson international airport, atlanta airport art

Imagine you’re feeling kind of flaccid. You’ve spent the past two days in your first-ever writing workshop, where you’ve revealed your incomplete book to an actual literary professional. In the process, you adorned your “I’ve got it going on” blouse with sweat stains down both sides from underarm to hem, and you almost burst into tears during your critique more than once. You realized that you know absolutely nothing about the game of writing, but you practically turned into a giggling tot when someone in the business told you that – maybe, perhaps – you’re a good writer.

You come away knowing that you have a lot of work to do. On no sleep for two straight nights, you find yourself flying across the country to yet another conference to get continuing education that’s required for both licenses you hold. Oh, it’s all happening in your happy place, making the trip worth it, because, let’s face it, the mind-numbingly-boring class about the latest changes to generally accepted accounting principles isn’t EVER going to do it for you.

You’re wandering through the Atlanta airport, too tired to even pay attention to things like arrows that point to the correct train for your terminal, causing you to stand in line for the wrong one for precious connecting minutes. Finally, you see the curving arrow – right in front of your face all along – that indicates the correct train, and you drag your bags and your exhausted butt in that general direction.

Then, you wait, the entire construct of the airport these days. Waiting. At least you wait in the cool sushi restaurant in E concourse with a handsome companion who happens to be your soul mate.

When you head for the gate, you realize that it’s in a part of E concourse you’ve never before visited – Gate E18. As you’re walking to the end, you look to your left, and you see…….this:

Can anybody say, “Schwing!”

26 Comments Post a comment
  1. Steve #

    Dear me. What a blue post for a Sunday morning.
    I enjoy you self deprecation! btw: if u were an animal which animal would you be?

    October 24, 2010
    • I just couldn’t stop myself. I looked over at that thing and said, “Well, dear me, it’s a corn penis,” completely seriously, and MTM burst out laughing. Anything that makes MTM burst out laughing is worthy of a blog post, because, while I amuse him from time to time, he seldom erupts with laughter at anything I say.

      If I were an animal (and I don’t know whether or not this qualifies as an animal), I would be a hummingbird. I love their energy, their singular focus on movement, and their ability to eat all day long and not gain weight.

      October 24, 2010
      • Steve #

        A hummingbird of course!
        Here’s some footage of the fantastic little beasts we caught this summer:

        October 26, 2010
  2. Toya #

    So proud of you for going to MB. After you recover from what I think I call my fog, KEEP GOING!!! Because…deep down– where the biz person says maybe, the tot knows better.

    October 24, 2010
    • Well, you’re in this with me now, Dear. Writing group starts when?

      Thank you for the encouragement and for being my friend. xo

      October 24, 2010
      • toya #

        I’m game. When does the group meet?

        October 24, 2010
  3. Lou Mello #

    OK, almost speechless this am, too much to process from your post today.

    Happy that you have been re-affirmed as a good writer, anyone who reads your blog knows this.

    Required Biz classes are always a bit of a drag, but, great opportunities to visit nice places.

    Airport cilantro is rampant and especially in Hotlanta, where thunderstorms thrive and give the evil airlines even more reasons to cancel flights and give us $3 for a meal voucher.

    Have no idea what the photo is and can only hope it’s part on some impressionist art show in the airport…other than that, how about some sweet corn, huh?

    October 24, 2010
    • There was a carrot also, Lou. It was very, um, stiff, also.

      This is one of those posts that come when I see something ridiculous and have to write the post immediately. I was hacking away at the computer to get it all done before the airplane door closed and I lost my inspired chance. I didn’t want to pay preposterous sums for wi-fi on the flight.

      This place is one of my favorite places. We come here every year. I don’t think I could live in Phoenix, but I love this hotel and the hiking opportunities around here. The business component is the icing to make the trip possible.

      October 24, 2010
  4. A. Guess #

    If your incomplete got a maybe – I think you are in good shape. We know you are a good writer.
    As for the sights of the Atlanta airport – well…not much to say to that!

    October 24, 2010
    • I don’t know that I’d call it a ‘maybe.’ Secret Agent Man was generous with his criticism, but it was all very constructive and helpful. Whether or not he ever thinks about me again, he gave me a lot, and I’m grateful.

      October 24, 2010
  5. tom #

    In this day and age of Monsanto genetically modified organisms I would suggest that this picture is a product of corn seed which has been subjected to the addition of a popular male enhancement ingredient.

    October 24, 2010
    • Tom, shame on you!! Don’t give big ag any more ideas about ways to kill us with food!! If Viagra could be the secret ingredient that added that one/two punch to an ear of corn, I’m sure they would find a way to sell “enhanced cobs that enhance, well, you know.”

      🙂

      October 24, 2010
  6. Michael Carnell #

    Well, that corn isn’t flacid. Was “Smiling Bob” anywhere around?

    Oh, and I think you are a great writer! I wondered if that was why you were up I’m Myrtle Beach. 😉

    October 24, 2010
    • My God, you are funny. No, Smiling Bob was not, but his corn cob was.

      If I can just figure out how to not editorialize in my writing………I mean, on my blog, it’s fine, but in my book, it’s not.

      October 24, 2010
      • Michael Carnell #

        Aw shucks, glad I could amuse. Still find this display a-maize-ing!

        October 24, 2010
  7. I’m wondering who made that executive decision to put a piece of art like that in an area where thousands and thousands pass through everyday. Still laughing…

    October 24, 2010
    • I know! I mean, really. It was in the international terminal, too. What kind of a “Welcome to America” is that?

      Glad it made you laugh.

      October 24, 2010
  8. Melinda #

    Andra, I am so glad you took this picture. I had such a good laugh. I love reading all your writings. This one was just so funny! Keep up the good work!

    October 24, 2010
    • I’m glad it gave you a chuckle. It is fun to share my perverse sense of humor on this blog from time to time.

      I hope you are feeling better and better.

      October 24, 2010
  9. I aak happy to say that I just did not ” get it” I am glad the comments filled in the necessary blanks for me. Lol

    I would like to encourage you to keep writing in your blog and to finish your book if you feel so inclined. From what I have seen you have talent in that area and like the rest of us writers that talent can always be improved upon.

    An editor friend of mine told me years ago that writing is 10% inspiration and 90% perspiration. Writing is a lot of work but it is very rewarding and that is probably why I like to follow your blog. In your blogs you have shown the ability to capture the readers attention and hold it. You bring a sense of realism and energy to your thoughts which is refreshingly entertaining to read. Keep up the good work my hummingbird. 😉

    October 24, 2010
    • I’m just glad to see you every day, James. Thank you for the encouragement and for being my friend.

      October 24, 2010
  10. All my author friends say that writing is hard work, and much editing, and rewriting, and rewriting and rewriting. But you get the point.

    Loved this post. I look forward to hearing about the MYR conference with all those literary folks.

    October 24, 2010
  11. mtm #

    Leave it to ATL to take the ‘L’ out of Public Art.

    October 24, 2010
  12. “What’s the Angle of the Dangle?” as a poet once noted and I can only agree and only speak for myself here, but generally, “the angle of the dangle is equal to the joy of the boy.”

    January 24, 2013

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