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The Wonderful World of Dick

Ripped Guy at Dick’s:  Welcome to Dick’s Sporting Goods! Can I help you find something specific?

Me:  Um……ah…….mumblemumblemumble.

RGAD:  I’m sorry? What was that?

Me: MUMBLEMUMBLE.

RGAD:  (Nervous laugh) Sorry. Still didn’t get that.

Me:  I’M LOOKING FOR A JOCK STRAP!

(Every eye in the store zeroes in on me.)

Me:  I mean. I’M not looking for one. I don’t need it. Um. (Cackling, crazy laughter.) It’s for my husband. HUSBAND. HE needs it.

RGAD:  Core Supporters are this way, Ma’am.

Me:  (More crazy lady laughter.) Oh? THAT’S what they’re called?

RGAD:  Yes Ma’am. Here we are.

Me:  (Staggering.) But…….but……..Good God, there are THIS MANY different ones?

RGAD:  Well, yes. Some guys like firmer support. Some go for breathability. You know.

Me:  No. I DON’T know. I told you it isn’t for me.

RGAD:  Did your, um, HUSBAND, tell you what he likes?

Me:  That’s none of your business.

RGAD:  Okay. Okay. I’m just going to leave you to it. If you need any help, I’ll be on my lunch break. (Disappears.)

Me: Who – WHO – would buy a hot pink cup with glitter? WHO? And, all I see is cups. Thin cups. Fat cups. Long cups. Deep cups. All CUPS. NO STRAPS………….A PEE-WEE MODEL???? Seriously? They have one called the Pee-Wee? AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

RGAD:  (Materializes next to me.) Ma’am, um, you are being a little disruptive. Um. Here’s a strap in size large. Will that work for your husband?

Me:  AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

RGAD:  Great! Let me walk you to the register and get you out of here.

Me:  (Drying my eyes.) You can bet I’ll never call MTM again and ask him to pick up a box of TAMPONS on his way home.

68 Comments Post a comment
  1. The Shock Doctor.

    Very funny! It’s fun to put one on your head for optimum disruption.

    July 20, 2012
  2. The Good Luck Duck #

    Oh no, I said “head.” That wasn’t ladylike.

    July 20, 2012
  3. This one made me laugh out LOUD! Wonderful post, Andra. Truly, my friend, this is hilarious!
    Hugs,
    Kathy

    July 20, 2012
  4. Welcome to our world Andra. My cup runneth over….but then I am a terrible liar.

    July 20, 2012
  5. Core Supporter??!! No guy would ever sat that with a straight face. And here is MTM in the future…

    July 20, 2012
    • I can’t believe they’re called core supporters. I mean, my core is my stomach. When I work my core, that’s where it is. Why is the male groin the core???? Oh, never mind……..

      July 20, 2012
  6. Hahahahaha! Too funny! 🙂

    July 20, 2012
  7. I. had. no. idea! My boys are all grown and they would never wear them…Lawd!

    July 20, 2012
    • Well, if you ever have to purchase one for anybody, I can tell you what to do.

      July 20, 2012
  8. I can’t believe that product is so important that they would name the whole store after it.

    July 20, 2012
  9. Hahahahaha!!

    Awards for best comment of the day??? Howard’s; hands down!! :

    July 20, 2012
  10. I want to see a picture of the pink and glitter core supporter. 🙂 Somebody needs to receive this in their Christmas stocking. 🙂 Thanks for the giggle this morning Andra – I needed it after being smacked in the face with the news.

    July 20, 2012
    • I don’t think I have the strength to go back there. I had nightmares about plastic cups…..

      July 20, 2012
    • saying smacked in the face on a thread about jock straps at dicks seems like a bad idea, I recommend running and hiding before Carnell sees

      July 20, 2012
    • I tried to get Carnell to go with me on this errand, but he thought it would be so much funnier if I went by myself.

      July 20, 2012
  11. Andra, I will try to stop by if I can and get a picture of the pink one for you to post on the way home

    July 20, 2012
  12. Jill Clary Stevenson #

    Two words for what the pink ones are used for – Magic Mike. Once I attended a bachelorette party where a male stripper was hired. My friend Loraine (may she rest in peace) and I were so embarrassed we ducked out the side door. He had a pink “core supporter” – ugh!

    July 20, 2012
    • Oh my! I never thought of that possibility, Jill. Makes total sense to me……I guess……..

      July 20, 2012
  13. Oh God! I laughed till I cried! Hahahahaha! I’m still laughing! And sharing this…

    July 20, 2012
  14. Nancy and I really should have gone with you. That would have been too much fun. Did they have one for me – would be called “The Locomotive”!! Haahaaa!!!

    Hope you are giving MTM the support he needs in these troubled times.

    July 20, 2012
    • MTM got a big kick out of The Locomotive, Carnell.

      July 20, 2012
    • mtm #

      Be careful, Locomotive, you might have a Coal Tender tagging along behind you.

      July 20, 2012
  15. Debbie #

    RGAD: Did your, um, HUSBAND, tell you what he likes?

    Me: That’s none of your business.

    When I got to this point I spit my tea all over my desk. What a riot!

    July 20, 2012
    • It always makes my day when someone tells me my writing caused them to spit, Debbie. 🙂 🙂 🙂

      July 20, 2012
  16. Giggle.

    July 20, 2012
  17. James Moffitt #

    Oh my…… poor Andra…. I can see it now. hahahahahahahah too freaking funny. You are a riot for sure Andra….

    July 20, 2012
  18. Oh wow how funny!!! True love is the spouse who will buy intimate products.

    July 20, 2012
    • Yes. MTM’s done it boo-koo times for me. I guess it should’ve been as traumatic as possible when it was my turn.

      July 20, 2012
  19. Yep, I’m still reeling from a shop called Dick’s that it sells jock straps!! Brilliant tale Andra 🙂

    July 20, 2012
    • Dick’s sells pretty much all sporting goods, Fiona, but me and my potty humor…….I snicker every time I go there.

      July 20, 2012
  20. Pee Wee is for those wee ones in the pee wee league? Oh, who cares, this was too funny for proper words.

    July 20, 2012
    • Penny, I think that is the case. I’m sure thousands of little boys are scarred for life when their parents bring home the pee-wee size………..

      July 20, 2012
  21. Aguess #

    Oh my! I am guffawing in the La. DMV.
    Made my day.

    July 20, 2012
  22. Howled. Just howled with laughter. Our poor spouses, who have been asked to do the equivalent for so long…

    July 20, 2012
    • It does make me realize how uncomfortable it must be for them….. 🙂

      July 20, 2012
  23. oh how I wish I’d been in the store!

    July 20, 2012
    • Sidey, if you had been there, at least you could’ve laughed with me. It was too funny not to have company.

      July 20, 2012
      • how sad to be on your own, shaking with the giggles and no one to share it with ;-(

        July 20, 2012
      • This was the best I could do. 🙂

        July 20, 2012
      • it was fun 😉

        July 20, 2012
  24. Megan Broutian #

    {wiping tears from my eyes} BAHAHAHAHAH!

    July 20, 2012
  25. Um, yeah, I have to go there:

    I’ll bet there are a lot of guys who wished they had something for the Pee-Wee that was 18″-22″ – hey, that’s just what the sign says!! 😉

    July 20, 2012
  26. This was really funny, Andra! Core supporters, eh? Never heard that one! I think you made Mr. Dick uncomfortable with the laughter because he is self-conscious in “that” area! 🙂 D

    July 21, 2012
    • I know we women have a lot of options for support, but I was pretty blown away by the variety for guys. 🙂

      July 21, 2012
  27. I always suspected that was what guys considered to be core but it’s nice to have confirmation.

    July 21, 2012
  28. RGAD: Did your, um, HUSBAND, tell you what he likes?

    Me: That’s none of your business.

    hahahahahahahaha

    MTM is a good, um, “sport”

    July 21, 2012
    • He really liked this one, too. Buying that thing was mortifying.

      July 21, 2012

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