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I Hope My Bladder Doesn’t Burst

MTM is a hopeless romantic. For Valentine’s Day, he gave me a new bladder.

Because, you know, he’s worried that I won’t drink enough water on my Natchez Trace trek. He wants me to cart it around like a camel on my back.

And I’m concerned.

All that water, chugged through a long straw………….

It will make me have to pee while I’m walking.

A lot, I fear.

I don’t like to go on the ground, especially not next to the road, where hapless drivers might happen to buzz by just as I drop trow and let it all fly. If I drink the contents of the biggest bladder MTM’s money could buy, will I be able to hold it for fifteen miles?

I really hope my bladder doesn’t burst.

75 Comments Post a comment
  1. Oh no… And once you start having to pee, you have to go every half hour after that! (Or is that only beer that does that?)

    February 16, 2014
    • Probably every hour for me, but still. That’s four times. It’s taking me four hours to do 15 miles.

      February 16, 2014
  2. I can hold it for hours….if I’m inactive. And once I start, it’s seemingly constant. That would be my biggest obstacle.

    February 16, 2014
    • There are points of interest along the way, but most of them don’t have facilities. I can see me now, wandering off in the woods and hoping I don’t come upon a snake or several.

      February 16, 2014
  3. If you sweat a lot, you won’t have to be as much.

    Or you could stach binge drinking mass quantities of beer or water now to train your bladder.

    February 16, 2014
    • I sweat a lot. Maybe that will save me.

      Beer is gross. It tastes like pee.

      February 16, 2014
      • I have never tasted pee but I think I can agree with you Andra. Beer just tastes gross. LOL

        February 16, 2014
      • I almost tasted pee by accident once. My brother was storing it up to play a big joke on me.

        February 16, 2014
      • ewwwwwww. Good ole brothers huh? I am glad you figured it out before the grossest swill of your life. echhh

        February 16, 2014
  4. “If I drink the contents of the biggest bladder MTM’s money could buy, will I be able to hold it for fifteen miles?”

    Well… it Depends (you’ll get it soon enough, hee hee)…

    February 16, 2014
    • I could wear a diaper, couldn’t I? That would be a sight……

      February 16, 2014
      • if you do we want pictures. Before and after… NO, just skip that idea. LOL

        February 16, 2014
  5. I would have to use the bladder, to, well, er, umm.

    February 16, 2014
  6. That is an awesome gift. As a person who has teeny tiny tanks (that would be me), a new or spare bladder would be a necessity on a long walk. You are totally prepared to drink your water and not worry.

    February 16, 2014
    • It’s too bad that it doesn’t come with one for output……….

      February 16, 2014
  7. That was so sweet of him. But I hear you. If I drank all of the water in that, I would have to go like every fifteen minutes. 😦

    February 16, 2014
    • I know I’m not drinking enough water right now. Today will be my first walk with it, so we’ll see how many times I have to go.

      February 16, 2014
      • Hydrate, hydrate , hydrate…. It is very important Andra. πŸ™‚

        February 16, 2014
  8. Would investing in another bladder work out for you?

    http://www.sneakyleaker.com/Leakers.html

    February 16, 2014
  9. I’m not going to lie — these are the (ridiculous) things I’d worry about on a trek like that. That and the adequacy of my DEET supply.

    February 16, 2014
    • I’m hoping I’m doing this early enough in the year that bugs won’t be an issue. We’ll know soon enough.

      February 16, 2014
  10. MTM is right. You will need to stay hydrated on your trek. What’s great about using a bladder is that you just sip the water as you go, keeping your hydration fairly stable. And it leaves your hands free and you don’t have be twisting around trying to pull a water bottle out of a side pocket. I prefer using my Camelbak bladder when we go on long hikes. Yes, drinking a lot of water makes me pee and it’s annoying to have the (intense) urge when there’s no shelter. Although most of our hikes are in wilderness areas where I might be more worried about inadvertently pissing on a gator. What is the trace like? Are there diners or shops along the way? You could try and map out places where you can duck in and use the facilities. Otherwise, you’ll be adding to your mileage trying to find discreet places where you can pee in peace πŸ˜‰

    February 16, 2014
    • The Trace is a paved road with big grassy areas along each side. There are points of interest along the way, but most of them are just pull-offs with a sign. No potties. I’ll just have to deal when I have to go. πŸ™‚

      February 16, 2014
      • Just remember: plenty of TP and hand sanitizer πŸ˜‰

        February 16, 2014
    • “pissing on a gator” hhahahahahahaha now that right there is pretty dogone funny. hahahahaha

      February 16, 2014
      • Thank you! Fortunately it’s never happened, but at one of our favorites hiking places, St. Marks Wildlife Refuge, it’s not uncommon to literally cross paths with one πŸ˜‰

        February 16, 2014
  11. Necessity, as they say, is the mother of invention.Pee will find a way.

    February 16, 2014
    • It will. I learned that the hard way in second grade.

      February 16, 2014
  12. Fifteen miles in four hours is truckin’ along. Your body will be using that water, so it may not be an issue. But once you “break the seal,” it could get interesting.

    February 16, 2014
  13. Drinking lots of water and peeing really helps me heal since long ago, its sort of bothersome but its worth. Im sure it will help you along the way, and I dont think you should hold it while doing a large run, on the contrary.

    Snakes and such shouldnt be a problem as long as you dont invade their space, and if they do, you should have something to attack them back, you are the big human after all.
    Also, never poke around with your bare hands, nor let the stick there for the animals to claim, and always pay attention, always, until youre back to a safe place (sorry to sound like a sermon :P).

    That water bladder seems very useful.

    February 16, 2014
    • The most likely place for snakes will be in the woods on both sides of the road. Exactly where I’ll have to go. Ha. I am hoping I’m getting out a little ahead of them, but we’ll see. I am going to carry some self defense items, just in case I run across a wild animal or a bad person.

      February 16, 2014
      • Bad people are more stubborn than wild animals.
        Today I got a thigh burn and I thought of you for the post of the other day πŸ™‚
        Wasnt even that far, but its sunny already.

        February 16, 2014
  14. If you hooked up a catheter you could maintain proper weight distrubution for the walk.

    February 16, 2014
    • Jill Clary Stevenson #

      I just read an article in the NY Times about Wendy Davis (Texas gubernatorial candidate who filibustered the abortion bill last June) and the first thing she did upon deciding to filibuster was to be hooked up to a catheter. Ew. Don’t do it Andra!!

      February 16, 2014
    • No. Just no. That hurt just thinking about it.

      February 16, 2014
  15. I’ve got a bladder the size of a walnut. I’ve become a dab hand at finding trees to squat behind on walks – just rustle the leaves a bit first to make sure nothing bites you on the bottom. Otherwise, google the “Shewee” – ever heard of it? I suggest MTM buys you one before you leave πŸ™‚

    February 16, 2014
    • I am dubious of the Shewee. I fear it would not handle the, um, flow, and that could get pretty messy. πŸ™‚

      February 16, 2014
  16. If you’re walking in your birthday suit the drop trow thing shouldn’t matter much anyway. πŸ™‚ They do make that camping “pee like a man” thing you might take a look at. http://www.go-girl.com

    February 16, 2014
  17. As a therapist I am trained to go every 50 minutes on the dot. But on a long hike, could you not just sweat out all the hydration?

    February 16, 2014
    • It’s possible. I’m sweating a lot on my walk today, and the temp is similar to MS right now.

      February 16, 2014
  18. it really is a romantic, in that he knows you so well. i have a movie idea for you. ‘the red violin.’ got it from the library, interesting story, and one part had a character, a writer, who needed to travel to the places her characters did. reminded me of you on this trip. b

    February 16, 2014
  19. Never thought of this problem when hiking as far as you’re planning on going. What a conundrum… that only a woman could find herself in. Will be fascinated to learn how you handle this, um– issue. Best of luck.

    February 16, 2014
  20. No, see, it’s the perfect plan; I’ve thought of this while running long-distance before. You have to have a second bladder (if you replace one then the old one is perfect for this because the process might help disinfect it,) and then you get yourself a cocktail stirrer and a very small balloon . . .

    Do you feel like MacGyver today?

    February 16, 2014
    • I’m trying to figure out how to carry a flask with some wine in it for my daily lunch. I have to make this a little civilized wherever I can.

      February 17, 2014
      • I’m macgyvering a catheter system for you and you’re thinking about ooohhhh right you could fill the bladder with wine . . . Or you could just shove the bag from a box of Franzia in there. πŸ˜‰

        February 17, 2014
    • I sound like a lush, don’t I? And I’m not too much of a snob to drink box-o-wine. The Black Box ones aren’t bad.

      I don’t think I could walk two feet with a catheter down there. I mean, ouch. That hurts just thinking about it.

      February 17, 2014
      • It’s just a matter of engineering, my friend.

        (but yeah, I hear you!)

        February 17, 2014
  21. Camel packs are fantastic. Lucky lady!

    February 16, 2014
    • Mine leaked all in my backpack yesterday. Operator error, I’m sure.

      February 17, 2014
  22. You need to embrace nature (just watch for the poison ivy)…it is a heck of a lot more sanitary than most public bathrooms! (if a little critter tickles your backside – just think -story opportunity :))

    February 16, 2014
    • I think I can safely type this…….given how much I’ve hiked, and how rugged a lot of it has been, I don’t think I’m allergic to poison ivy. Critters, on the other hand…………..

      February 17, 2014
  23. Hmm. Wait a minute. You’re going with a friend, right? So you two can watch each others’ backs when one has to pee. Unless you both drink too much wa-wa at the same time and then need to GO at the same time.

    In that case, DON’T CROSS THE STREAMS! (Eww). Which would be VERY funny if and when you came to an actual stream that needed crossing because there’s a nice restroom in plain sight there, your friend and you had to go badly and she was wondering what the hell you were talking about as you were yelling Ghostbusters lines at her because she never saw that film…

    Yeah, it COULD happen…

    February 16, 2014
    • My friends are not hiking with me. They are dropping me off, picking me up, and wrangling Roy. Having said that, if one of them wants to walk with me for a mile or several, they can, but I doubt any of them will want to do a full fifteen (unless nancytex ends up being able to come at the end. She’ll do full days in a row with me.)

      February 17, 2014
  24. Sigh..gone are the days when I could hold it for hours…now..when I gotta go..I gotta go! Another thing is beer…you could set a clock with how long it takes between each trip…20 minutes!! 20!!!….it’s not fun drinking beer for me..lol

    February 17, 2014
  25. Equipment for output ‘on the go’ is also available! One should instal correctly, though …

    February 17, 2014
    • I’ll just find a tree and go……..and hope a random car can’t see me from the road.

      February 17, 2014
  26. Jen #

    I’ve always preferred practical gifts over romantic gestures myself … except for massages. I’ll take massages over everything

    February 17, 2014
    • I’ll take massages galore when this is over, Jen. πŸ™‚

      February 17, 2014
  27. tarakianwarrior #

    Andra, I take two of the largest bladder packs I can find when I go on my bike rides – I sweat it out and don’t have to pee it out. Thank goodness! Along most trails they do have an occasional porta-potty, but those…well…those are disgusting, but better to drop trow in there than alongside the trail where wild creatures witness your lily white hiney!!!!

    February 17, 2014
    • Right now, it’s 8 – 10 degrees warmer in MS than here, so I will be sweating every day. I suppose I should be thankful for that, huh? πŸ™‚

      February 17, 2014
  28. I much prefer nature peeing to most of the other available options when I’m hiking. I’d rather drop trow and bare my ass for all to see then spend 3 seconds in a port-o-potty. Gross.

    February 17, 2014
    • That’s going to be me, much of the time. πŸ™‚

      February 17, 2014
      • Warning: you will get hooked. I now pee au natural even when there is a bathroom available. (Okay, not in the streets, obviously, but out in nature, 100%) πŸ™‚

        February 17, 2014
  29. When in nature, I prefer to do things naturally.
    Cop a squat. Lean a tree. Either method works for me
    But whether I squat or lean to pee, I don’t do it near poison ivy.

    February 17, 2014
    • It’s going to be the only way I’ll be able to do it, I’m afraid. It’s pretty remote out there.

      February 17, 2014
  30. As long as you’re moving along and drinking slowly, you won’t have to pop a squat since your body will be using up all of that water as you walk. It took me as long, if not most likely longer, to get through my marathon earlier this month as it will for you to walk 15 miles, I drank a paper cup of water every other mile the entire time, and I didn’t have to relieve myself until over an hour after I finished.

    Plus, having to pee in nature is WAY more pleasant than being woozy from dehydration!

    February 18, 2014
  31. A legitimate concern. I don’t suppose you’re willing to invest in some “absorbent undergarments?” It’s the only contingency plan I can offer…but you must drink plenty of water! That’s imperative!

    February 20, 2014

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