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Dad’s I Took a Crap Tour of the Natchez Trace

natchez trace

I didn’t think my parents could traumatize me anymore. I mean, didn’t we leave all that drama behind in our teen years? As adults, aren’t our parents supposed to be normal?

“I took a crap behind that tree. Right there.”

“DAD!”

“And, I peed up that hill there.”

“DAD, I DON’T CARE WHERE YOU—”

“I got about to go back right there, and I rode all the way to the end of that road, and there was people there, so I came all the way back and went down the other road several miles, and when I got to the end and squatted, there was one of them cun dumbs.”

“A WHAT??” Mom’s perverted expression said it all. “OH………YOU MEAN A CONDOM.”

“Yep. One of them cun dumbs.”

Mom cut her eyes sideways, lustiness etched all over her face. “Was it used?”

“Don’t know. I didn’t get down and examine it.”

I curled up in a ball in the backseat, plugged up my ears, and chanted, “IamnothearingthisIamnothearingthisIamnothearingthis” all the way back to Tupelo.

Click here to see the best photos from Day 22 of my Natchez Trace 444-mile walk: Andra Watkins Tumblr

You’ve still got more than three weeks until April 15. Tweet, Facebook, type and review your way to Charleston, South Carolina in the To Live Forever Journey to Charleston Contest. The more you enter, the better your chance to WIN. Click here to find out more: Support My Aching Feet.

Read the book that started this insane journey with my parents. To Live Forever: An Afterlife Journey of Meriwether Lewis is available in paperback and e-book formats at these outlets: Click to Purchase To Live Forever.

Today’s Reader Question. About timing.

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33 Comments Post a comment
  1. Snickering this morning. Your dad never ceases to amuse. And we can assume that it was used. Since it must have been out of the package.

    March 23, 2014
  2. Parents, once they have made you happen, have embarrassing you as their only purpose in life.

    March 23, 2014
  3. So excited (for the trip, not the poop tour). But it does remind me of an embarrassing story of my own.

    March 23, 2014
  4. You’re never too old to be traumatized by your parents, I guess.

    March 23, 2014
  5. i’mnotreadingthisi’mnotreadingthisi’mnotreadingthis!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    March 23, 2014
  6. Many parents shield their kids from any discussion of life’s realities, employing euphemisms and/or hushed tones behind closed doors…..after a point, however, you have somehow become an instant adult and all bets are off. 🙂 The older they get, the less you are thought of as their “child.” My boys are probably most fortunate to be so geographically distant from me. I get little opportunity to say things in their presence that they’d rather not hear! 🙂

    On the other hand, look at all the fodder your folks provide for your pen! Hope the sun is shining on your day of rest.

    March 23, 2014
  7. I would have also been chanting lalalalalalalalalala while humming…so as not to hear such.

    March 23, 2014
  8. Hoo…. boy.

    I sure hope Ranger Smith isn’t reading your blog. Or any rangers you met on this trek for that matter. Wait until you find out Roy has a bear costume in that Old Man Car, dear. That MIGHT explain the urge to go in the woods.

    And the bee stings he’ll get before this trip is over:

    Then again, if he wears that bear suit at the wrong time, he may end up becoming the star he’s wanted to be without opening his mouth to tell a story (and he’ll also have quite the story to tell):

    March 23, 2014
  9. Debbie #

    I love the picture of you with the 300 mile marker. You must be feeling giddy at the thought of 144 miles left and with walking company soon! Thanks for answering my question about your Dad. Just wanted to make sure he was staying on task!

    March 23, 2014
  10. My wife and I pride ourselves on being able to torment our children like that.

    March 23, 2014
  11. ouch!!!!!!! i am so sorry you had to endure this.

    March 23, 2014
  12. I always told my kids it was my job to provide them material to take to their therapist. You’re just lucky he didn’t ask you to point out your stops.

    March 23, 2014
  13. No he didn’t… Yea, he did. Lordy, I have no words. Just chuckles and sympathy for you. It’s all good…

    March 23, 2014
  14. Torture is a two-way street in the parent-child relationship.

    March 23, 2014
  15. Omg Chatter Master above beat me to the comment “I’mnotreadingthis!” Great stories though and perfect material for a family get together in a few years. 🙂

    March 23, 2014
  16. Considering most of my “family time” anymore is filled with bitter silence, I’d take your parent’s raucous behavior any day.

    March 23, 2014
  17. I actually think the older you get the more your parents traumatize you. Usually, you’ve changed (grown up) and they’re still pretty much the same. In fact, nothing can make me act like a teenager more than being around my dad.! Good luck.!!

    March 23, 2014
  18. We make it a point to find ways to embarrass our adult children, although I may have gone too far recently as our four year old granddaughter thought that I was Shirley Temple when she saw a video of Shirley singing “Animal Crackers” whilst standing on a stool. Sigh.

    March 23, 2014
  19. Lance #

    hope your feet are healing up.

    Your dad’s hilarious.

    March 23, 2014
  20. Oh GOD – your parents will NEVER cease to mortify you, poor thing. Those aching feet are in serious need of some earplugs. Um. Or something like that.

    March 23, 2014
  21. tarakianwarrior #

    I did a nice little hike this weekend and took you with me. You were constantly on my mind and I discussed your book out loud…alas, the only ones on the hike with me have already heard me talk non-stop about how wonderful you and your book is. Parents…I do try and embarrass my children every chance I get. 😉

    March 23, 2014
  22. Hey, didn’t you have a little thunderclapper along the trail yourself? People in glass houses, and all… Just sayin’! 😉

    March 23, 2014
  23. Your parents are hilarious!!!

    March 23, 2014
  24. Reminds me of a bike trip with the ex, heading into Dayton, Ohio, on the wrong side of town. The map reader (me) didn’t know Dayton from a whole in the ground, so we stopped at a closed-up gas station to figure out where we needed to go (through town not to take a crap). Not three feet from where the kickstand went down was a pile of cun dumbs. Used, I’m pretty sure. Yep, wrong side of town, time to leave…

    March 23, 2014
  25. Great story! My mother confessed to me that, once the kids are grown (at least sixteen), one of the greatest joys as a parent is embarrassing your kids. Sound cruel? Maybe. But, I admit, as an adult, I have done it, too:)

    March 23, 2014
  26. TMI! TMI!TMI !!!!!! I long to embarrass my children in a similar way. I laud your parents for showing the way!

    March 23, 2014
  27. My parents are so modest, Andra, that I can’t relate to this at all. LOL! My dad is back in the hospital and I have to leave the room if they readjust the sheets! Our parents have reached the age they just need to be themselves. I’m so proud of you for making it this far…and still going! If I don’t get the chance to check in with you early tomorrow, happy birthday! Mine was Thursday, so I’m reminded that we share an astrological sign. And for your birthday present I’m contacting our local (and my favorite) independent bookstore and recommending they carry your wonderful book. ox

    March 23, 2014
  28. The man is a legend!

    March 24, 2014
  29. PF and I are well on the road to being parents like that. Life’s too much fun to do it any differently. Cun Dumbs. I like that expression- adopted 🙂

    March 24, 2014
  30. Good lord I love your parents and their special brand of southern charm!

    March 26, 2014
  31. I genitori riservano sempre delle sorprese 🙂

    April 2, 2014

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  1. 3-23-14 Travel Theme: Pink | The Quotidian Hudson
  2. Walking, Walking, Walking… | Mary J Melange

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