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Never Ever Getting Back Together

“I sold more books today than your daddy, Andra.” Mom stood next to the closed bathroom door.

“You did not, Linda! Don’t you go telling her that!” Dad’s voice shrieked from the bowels of the toilet.

“Now, Roy. You know I sold my person back at that pull off, and you didn’t sell yours. She didn’t buy a book, but mine did. DID.”

“Well, that may be, but I sold twenty books total yesterday. How many did YOU sell?”

“IS THIS A CONTEST NOW????? BETWEEN YOU TWO???” I sloshed my feet in a pan of salty water, trying in vain to zone out, to recover from another 15-mile day.

As I rolled over on the bed, Dad flung the bathroom door open. Pants around his ankles, he shouted, “Hey, Linda! Come and help me off the pot!”

My poor eyeballs will never be the same.

Never ever.

Click here to see the best photos from my last rest day on my Natchez Trace 444-mile walk: Andra Watkins Tumblr

The To Live Forever Journey to Charleston Contest ends April 15, so keep entering!! Tweet, Facebook, type and review your way to Charleston, South Carolina in the To Live Forever Journey to Charleston Contest. The more you enter, the better your chance to WIN. Click here to find out more: Support My Aching Feet.

I’ll bet you can still finish my novel before I’m done walking. To Live Forever: An Afterlife Journey of Meriwether Lewis is available in paperback and e-book formats at these outlets: Click to Purchase To Live Forever.

Here’s today’s Reader Question. More bathroom etiquette.

48 Comments Post a comment
  1. Hey, he sold 20 books yesterday alone. I’d say that’s earned him some goodwill (and turning a blind eye to his assisted toilet departures)! 🙂

    March 30, 2014
    • What was more traumatizing is that he lumbered into the room with his pants around his ankles and tried to carry on a conversation with me.

      March 30, 2014
  2. Oh this made me laugh so hard! Traveling with your parents is hard enough when you are kids, but as adults I think it would be nearly impossible!

    March 30, 2014
    • I’ve definitely had my moments of horror and chagrin………….

      March 30, 2014
  3. TOO FUNNY! I wrote a post recently entitled “Call me the Shit Whisperer.” Does that count for anything?

    Hugs from Ecuador,
    Kathy

    March 30, 2014
    • I hope I don’t ever have to whisper either of my parents’ shit…….. 🙂

      March 30, 2014
  4. This is soo funny. I laughed and laughed. for once lol really meant laugh out loud for me.
    You are indeed a brave women.

    March 30, 2014
  5. Remember, I told you it’s fodder — someday an autobiography; The Life, The Times, The Traumas Of . . .

    Secretly, you wouldn’t know how to act if things were any other way. 🙂

    March 30, 2014
    • At least, I don’t lack for entertainment on this trip.

      March 30, 2014
  6. That is hysterical! Hopefully it has brought you all closer as a family!?

    March 30, 2014
    • In general, it has. Today, Dad is on my very last nerve. I’m sure it’s my hormones and not him at all…………

      March 30, 2014
      • Glad you are in the last days of your walk!

        March 30, 2014
  7. Ohmigosh…where’s the brain bleach? 😀

    March 30, 2014
  8. Your parents are great, Andra! I love that they’re competing against each other to sell your book. And the fact that he sold 20 in one day is awesome!

    March 30, 2014
    • We’ve just about run out of them until MTM comes with a resupply on Wednesday.

      March 30, 2014
  9. it all just adds to the festive nature of your adventure )

    March 30, 2014
    • Festive. I’ll try to reframe that image in a festive light.

      It isn’t working.

      But I tried.

      March 30, 2014
  10. With parents like yours it’s no wonder you’re so unflappable! Having there support along the way is so wonderful and I’m glad they’re both being successful in selling your book.

    March 30, 2014
    • I couldn’t have done this without them, Lisa. That’s for sure.

      March 30, 2014
  11. I feel your pain, Andra, but I still had to laugh 🙂 Poor you!! Not much longer now!

    March 30, 2014
  12. Parents can be quite difficult to handle at times.

    March 30, 2014
  13. Oh wow, I live in fear of the day I hear those words from my dad… Now it’s his robe that makes me flinch as it flaps open flashing things I do not need to see. Ever.

    March 30, 2014
    • Lisa, after Dad did that, he stripped down to his underwear and lounged around all evening. I BEGGED HIM to put more clothes on. Multiple times. Nope. Nope. Nope.

      March 30, 2014
  14. If they are going to have a contest, that is a good one for them to have. Sell more, more, more!!

    March 30, 2014
    • I think they’re having a “How Many Crazy Things Can We Do To Our Daughter Contest.”

      March 30, 2014
  15. I had never before considered your Mom and Dad as taylor Swift and Harry Styles at a hip downtown Indie club…interesting.

    March 30, 2014
    • I won’t say I am never, ever doing this again, Robert, because I fear jinxing my parents. At the same time, I fear I won’t be able to do this again. However horrifying it’s been at times, I’m glad I did it with them.

      March 30, 2014
  16. That photo makes Roy look like Uncle Fester. Hmmm. Methinks he’d better be nicer to your mother or else:

    I’m surprised you don’t have them in a separate room so you can brine your tenderized paws in peace, but I guess it keeps them out of trouble (and the trouble they do get into localized)…

    March 30, 2014
  17. Redneck Garage #

    I hope that is not a selfie with your dad on the pot?

    March 30, 2014
    • No, Patrick. He’s sitting on a sofa that is too low for him to get out of without assistance, and he does nothing but complain about it while he sits there.

      March 30, 2014
  18. What a fantastic journey you’re making, Andra. And with your parents, too. Brave and fun for you guys and something you will remember for ever and ever and ever…

    March 30, 2014
  19. Sounds like something I would do to my daughter. Oh wait, I DO do that! 🙂

    March 30, 2014
  20. Funny, Andra – but, they are right there with you on your amazing journey, and selling books!

    March 30, 2014
  21. “Nobody has done anything that has embarrassed me”. You forgot to say, except for ROY! But then again, that goes without saying. 🙂

    March 30, 2014
  22. That’s a serious sales force….:)

    March 31, 2014
  23. Brilliant! My brother bought a copy for the flight to Houston – he loved it and has given it to a friend in that great sweaty city – so if you see a spike in sales there…….Also my friend in Stoke On Trent has bought a copy.

    March 31, 2014
  24. Your parents sound fantastic. Much better than him polishing the car and her knitting head rests for the couch. I can’t get that toilet image out of my head now.

    March 31, 2014
  25. All along I’ve thought you desperately needed the best pedicure money could buy, but now I’m thinking you should take up a collection for some therapy. Maybe a little therapeutic hypnosis will erase the images of Roy and the bathroom and yet keep the memories you’re creating. 🙂 You’re a brave and resilient woman, my friend. LOL!

    March 31, 2014
  26. Oh, too funny (and what a great sales team – I love their contest!)

    April 1, 2014
  27. Parents: You gotta love em!

    April 5, 2014
  28. I used to make books like the one in your picture. Now I feel a need to get the craft room put together so I can start a new project. 🙂

    April 11, 2014

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