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Tie Your Mother Down

Mothers and sex. Mothers and desire. Mothers and erotica.

EEW EWW EWW EWW EWW!

I remember the first time my mother asked me about my sex life. I was taking a bath at her house, but that didn’t stop her from barging in and sitting on her throne. “So, what’s sex like, with your husband?”

Now EX-husband.

“EEWWWW! I don’t want to talk about that with you!!” I dunked my head underwater and held my breath, hoping she would go away. But when my lungs threatened to take in soapy bathwater, I surfaced to find her still sitting there.

Well? How is it?

I couldn’t exit that bathroom fast enough. My parents were never very demonstrative when I was growing up. Why did she require me to fill her in on my antics between the sheets?

Maybe it was her attempt to be my friend, to have an adult relationship with her child, something I didn’t even know I wanted at the time. I was twenty-five. Stuck in a marriage that was escalating toward hell. A virgin when I married who’d never really gotten laid.

And I didn’t want to discuss ANY of THAT with my mother. Not so much because I was embarrassed about my pathetic excuse for a sex life. I was petrified she’d try to tell me all about her ups and downs in the bedroom. Her fantasies. The best orgasm she’d ever had. Maybe even with someone other than Dad.

EEWWWWWWWWW!!!!! Either way. EEWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!

As my unluck would have it, she found me again. On the toilet. Years later. In the throes of our all-out war to determine the Andra I was meant to be.

To be continued tomorrow…..

*********

To have your very own virtual visit to Montreat, North Carolina, check out my photos. I always hike in the morning as part of a day of writing. Andra Watkins Tumblr

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32 Comments Post a comment
  1. Reblogged this on I Bibble Opinions..

    May 9, 2014
  2. No pun intended – “her ups and downs in the bedroom.”

    Or maybe she would tell you about … the bug man!

    May 9, 2014
    • I never think about these things when I’m writing them. EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!

      May 9, 2014
  3. I might have dropped over dead if my mom had ever asked me about my sex life. I agree, EWWWWW.

    May 9, 2014
    • I don’t think she remembers this, but I will never forget it.

      May 9, 2014
  4. I would saw “Ewww”!

    May 9, 2014
  5. Don’t ask me why…it just seemed right.
    On the other hand…

    May 9, 2014
  6. I hesitated to let my daughter even read my love poetry. But even more, I haven’t told my dad. At least my daughter hasn’t totally freaked out…yet

    May 9, 2014
  7. Noooooooooooooooooo……….. 😮

    May 9, 2014
  8. Karen Snyder said it all. 🙂 Talking about sex was always awkward with my mom. When I was a kid, I remember thinking, “Ewwww” when I learned that Mom and Dad had sex. Mom said, “Well, we had you, didn’t we?” But there were certain question I had about sex that I couldn’t ask Mom. So, I’m grateful for frank friends!

    May 9, 2014
  9. The only thing my mother told me about as an adult, was the horrific UTI she got on her honeymoon with my dad. That was enough! 🙂

    May 9, 2014
  10. Its such an amazing thing to do, to have an adult relationship with your mother, the real thing and on the same level, though not easy at all, leaving the “safe” role of being the little one behind, and its not always possible to get along in a true honest way.

    May 9, 2014
    • November 1… good luck 🙂

      May 9, 2014
  11. Luckily my Mum was only worried if I was constipated or not. Even on my 30th birthday she asked about me regularity.

    May 9, 2014
    • Laughing out loud….literally! However, that was always, always a big concern with our Mom, too!

      May 9, 2014
  12. the ultimate captive audience

    May 9, 2014
  13. My Mum, upon hearing I was dating my first girlfriend, asked my older sister if she thought I knew where to buy condoms.

    Thankfully, my sister told her to relax because I wasn’t that stupid.

    May 9, 2014
  14. My dad never even mentioned the guy stuff to me. My mom gave it a shot, but it never really happened. I stumbled through all that on my own, with sometimes disastrous results. My folks never asked me directly about any of it. But they were sexually active into their 80s. How I know this is a pretty funny story. Let’s just say that my sister is scarred for life.

    May 9, 2014
  15. Thank GOD my mother never tried to have that conversation with me. I don’t know if I’d throw up, cry or pee my pants. Possibly all three.

    May 9, 2014
  16. Sex is too dirty to talk about with your parents….well, it is if you’re doing it right….can you imagine Woody Allen with his parents:)

    May 9, 2014
  17. yeseventhistoowillpass #

    My mother said a stork brought me to them. My mother never did that with dad… Ewwww!

    May 9, 2014
  18. tarakianwarrior #

    Yes, I’ve had a few uncomfortable conversations with my Mom that were similar, I guess I cannot really call them conversations as I cut and ran…if you know what I mean…

    May 9, 2014
  19. I know it’s hard for children to talk to their parents about their sex lives. It’s taboo still. Oddly enough, I think it’d be more uncomfortable for my parents to talk about sex than the other way around. I’m pretty desensitized to a lot of it. My discomfort would only be from their discomfort.

    May 9, 2014
  20. I’m thankful that my mom doesn’t ask me these questions so directly. She does however make painfully icky comments sometimes. I find it pretty funny as long as I don’t picture it!

    I can’t help but wonder what she said next! ha!

    May 9, 2014
  21. Your headline brought this to mind for me. Maybe it will help to protect your sanity from parental hijinks…

    May 9, 2014
  22. This is a mothers theme post I wasn’t expecting but laughing all the same.

    May 9, 2014
  23. Hey Andra! Your mom knew you were an inexperienced wife, and she probably thought you were not handling your business between the sheets well.

    May 10, 2014
  24. I see a television sitcom here…if you can’t find the time to write it yourself, get it optioned! LOL!

    May 12, 2014
  25. Debbie #

    Was there a second part to this? If so, I missed it.

    May 12, 2014

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