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What Would Roy Doo?

The book sale crush dissolved. Only two people in the room. I gathered up my wad of money and my sign-ey pen and got ready to head to the car.

Only we were down a body.

Dad’s very large and gassy body.

Mom and I scoured the Kershaw County School District building. Because this was ROY, after all.

“Maybe he got to telling a story and climbed into some stranger’s car.”

“No, Mom. Somebody probably told him they had a piece of junk they wanted to sell him. Only it’s in their back yard……….somewhere close to Aiken.”

“But that’s almost fifty miles from here.”

“So? When has that ever deterred Dad?”

“Maybe he got about to go to the bathroom.”

Mom wandered in the direction of the facilities. And that’s when I heard him. Dad and his I’m-pulling-a-fast-one laugh. I charged into a room and caught him.

With another woman.

“DAD!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?????”

“I. Uh. Keep doing that.”

“EW! DAD!!!!!!! STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!!!”

“I’m just doing this to share with my Sunday School boys, and —”

“YOU ARE NOT SHARING THAT WITH YOUR SUNDAY SCHOOL CLASS, DAD!!! DON’T LIE ON TOP OF EVERYTHING ELSE YOU’RE DOING RIGHT NOW!!”

“She’s just—”

“I SEE WHAT SHE’S DOING.” I turned to the Very Helpful Temptress. “Stop. Don’t do that. I mean, I know he’s hard to resist, but—”

“OH MY, ROY WATKINS! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!”

“Mom! Just back out of the room. Pretend like you never saw any of this.”

“But, just LOOK at them, Andra!”

“Yeah. Just keep on doing that. Don’t listen to them.”

“STOPSTOPSTOP! I CAN’T TAKE YOU ANYWHERE, DAD!”

“But, I just want them brownies to take to church on Sunday.”

“YOU’LL EAT EVERY LAST ONE OF THEM BY TOMORROW MORNING!”

“Nah. I’ll save a few for after lunch……….probably.”

His face says everything, doesn’t it?

 

 

 

40 Comments Post a comment
  1. A Brownie Is A Powerful Lure

    May 23, 2014
  2. Steely determination

    May 23, 2014
  3. He’s just a big kid, isn’t he? Thanks for my morning chuckle.

    May 23, 2014
  4. Tempting.

    May 23, 2014
  5. Ha,ha,ha! Oh, Roy. “Dad’s very large and gassy body.” – this describes my dad to a T! 🙂

    May 23, 2014
  6. Brownies are good, but I prefer Girl Scouts… 😉

    May 23, 2014
  7. I have Roy’s temptation for sweets and chocolate, so if I had been in the room, we would have been arm wrestling for those brownies.

    May 23, 2014
    • He has enough there to share, Mary. (Though they’re probably all gone by now.)

      May 23, 2014
  8. Ha ha!!!!! Those kids’ll never see a bite of those brownies!
    Great suspense though! I was on the edge of my seat, wondering what he was doing! 😀

    May 23, 2014
  9. A self satisfied, cat-that-ate-the-canary look if I ever saw one. However, brownies (or anything smacking even faintly of chocolate) are even more enticing when you know you aren’t supposed to have them, and I am on Roy’s side in this instance! 😀

    May 23, 2014
    • Everyone is on Dad’s side. He brainwashes people that way.

      May 23, 2014
  10. Brownies are not something easily put down unless through the lips. Save for lunch? Brewhahahahaahaahahahaa.

    May 23, 2014
    • He probably ate the whole pile on the way back to Florence, John.

      May 23, 2014
  11. tarakianwarrior #

    Sounds like me in Virginia City in the candy shop…one pound of fudge please, er, one pound of fudge for EACH of us. 🙂

    May 23, 2014
  12. Nice misdirection. It put a big smile on my face.

    May 23, 2014
    • It was a lot of fun to write. I haven’t done one of these in a while.

      May 23, 2014
  13. mmmm brownies.. I hope they were good (He did share a little didn’t he?)

    May 23, 2014
    • NO. He never even offered me one, and made sure they were shrouded in half a roll of plastic wrap.

      May 23, 2014
  14. A brownie is a very difficult thing to refuse, Andra. 🙂

    May 23, 2014
  15. Too funny – I have to agree, a brownie (gluten free for me) is very hard to resist!

    May 23, 2014
  16. I don’t share my brownies either 😉

    May 23, 2014
  17. he reminds me exactly of the 5 year olds in my class.

    May 23, 2014
  18. Always a smile here. I am part of a Blog Hop and I would love to hear from you. Here’s a link to my response… http://lauralynnblog.wordpress.com. Hugs Andra!

    May 23, 2014
  19. Roy is such a hoot. Chocolate brownies…… hmmmmmm sounds good to me.

    May 24, 2014
  20. Dear Andra, WHY you would write fiction when you have all this priceless material at your fingertips…..”I just want them brownies to take to church on Sunday” is one of those lines that if you read in a novel you would feel so envious of the author for her brilliance! You can’t make this stuff up!

    May 24, 2014
  21. The dangers of homemade brownies and even more tempting with a side of…

    May 24, 2014
  22. I guess I don’t follow. He was buying brownies from a bake sale? Is he diabetic? You said he was gassy. Was he making brownies in front of that poor woman? I’m confused.

    May 25, 2014
  23. Temptation – as only you can replay it Andra

    May 26, 2014
  24. He’s definitely irresistible to others, too. They aid and abet! 🙂 Yes, that’s one happy face. LOL!

    May 27, 2014

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