What Would Roy Doo?
The book sale crush dissolved. Only two people in the room. I gathered up my wad of money and my sign-ey pen and got ready to head to the car.
Only we were down a body.
Dad’s very large and gassy body.
Mom and I scoured the Kershaw County School District building. Because this was ROY, after all.
“Maybe he got to telling a story and climbed into some stranger’s car.”
“No, Mom. Somebody probably told him they had a piece of junk they wanted to sell him. Only it’s in their back yard……….somewhere close to Aiken.”
“But that’s almost fifty miles from here.”
“So? When has that ever deterred Dad?”
“Maybe he got about to go to the bathroom.”
Mom wandered in the direction of the facilities. And that’s when I heard him. Dad and his I’m-pulling-a-fast-one laugh. I charged into a room and caught him.
With another woman.
“DAD!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?????”
“I. Uh. Keep doing that.”
“EW! DAD!!!!!!! STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!!!”
“I’m just doing this to share with my Sunday School boys, and —”
“YOU ARE NOT SHARING THAT WITH YOUR SUNDAY SCHOOL CLASS, DAD!!! DON’T LIE ON TOP OF EVERYTHING ELSE YOU’RE DOING RIGHT NOW!!”
“I SEE WHAT SHE’S DOING.” I turned to the Very Helpful Temptress. “Stop. Don’t do that. I mean, I know he’s hard to resist, but—”
“OH MY, ROY WATKINS! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!”
“Mom! Just back out of the room. Pretend like you never saw any of this.”
“But, just LOOK at them, Andra!”
“Yeah. Just keep on doing that. Don’t listen to them.”
“STOPSTOPSTOP! I CAN’T TAKE YOU ANYWHERE, DAD!”
“But, I just want them brownies to take to church on Sunday.”
“YOU’LL EAT EVERY LAST ONE OF THEM BY TOMORROW MORNING!”
“Nah. I’ll save a few for after lunch……….probably.”
His face says everything, doesn’t it?