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Duel

edisto river

We spend every Fourth of July in Denmark.

South Carolina.

Denmark, South Carolina.

Yes, there really is such a place. It’s between Finland and Norway, close to North. (If Bill Cosby couldn’t understand it, you won’t either, Dear Readers.)

We eat until we can’t walk and float with alligators and witness conversations like this………

Alice’s Father: I am sick of being President of the Board of the Country Club.

Me: Why?

AF: Too much damn politics.

Alice: Well, I want to know how that oak tree closest to the river got cut down.

AF: That’s what I’m talking about. Damn politics.

Alice: But you’re supposed to keep people from cutting down majestic trees, right?

AF: Exactly. And when that boy that owned the lot came with his stupid petition, saying damn acorns falling on the roof kept him up all night, we denied it.

Alice: So howโ€”

AF: Wait. There’s more. So we denied it, and he started throwing things around the rec room. Chairs and stuff. Stormed outta the place, and we thought that was the end of it.

Alice: Only it wasn’t.

AF: Right. It wasn’t. He cut that tree down anyway, in the middle of the night. Place was all in a tizzy, everybody fussing about it, but guess who had to go over there and confront the jackass?

Me: Oh, I don’tโ€”

AF: Me. That’s who. The President of the Board of Directors of the Country Club. By myself. So I walked over there. Knocked on the door, and when he opened it, I slapped him with a fine for cutting down a majestic tree without permission. And you know what he did? He went in the house and got his damn gun and challenged me to a duel. Right then and there, he wanted to settle the matter like gentlemen.

Me: By shooting each other?

AF: I can’t say I wasn’t tempted………

If you celebrate Independence Day, I hope your Fourth is filled with sparklers and sports and more food than you can eat. Enjoy your holiday!

49 Comments Post a comment
  1. Great story. My husband was on a HOA board for a while, so this situation brings back all sorts of memoriesโ€ฆ that I think that I’ll try to forget about now. Have a happy 4th, Andra.

    July 3, 2014
    • Every neighborhood group seems to breed nothing but strife. Our HOA where we live is no different, though they do a great job of enforcing the rules.

      July 3, 2014
  2. Wow, that’s quite the excitement over a tree. Happy Fourth of July Andra. Have fun with your sparklers.

    July 3, 2014
    • This little community is not your typical country club. It’s a bunch of river cottages, all very close together. Cutting one majestic tree impacts everyone.

      July 3, 2014
      • Oh, I see. I guess I don’t understand why people do cut down big, beautiful trees when they take so long to get that way.

        July 3, 2014
  3. Emily Guess #

    We are looking forward to seeing you. I want to book you for both of my book clubs. You are in demand.

    July 3, 2014
  4. I think I drove through every single small town in SC this past year, great names, especially the names of churches.

    July 3, 2014
    • South Carolina has some crazy stuff tucked into its crannies. ๐Ÿ™‚

      July 3, 2014
  5. Much more imaginative names that what we have hereabouts – well, except for the strange strew name of Cutoff. ๐Ÿ™‚ Funny interchange, Andra; and like many-a-board everywhere. Enjoy your 4th – and hope you are not impacted by predicted storm.

    July 3, 2014
  6. Nothing so exciting as all that – although I will be down at the end of the river at Edisto, so if you float too far just give a shout and I will fish you out.

    We will just be doing the normal F.U.F.F. thing with the inlaws. Who are feuding with the neighbors. So hey, I stand corrected, there may be a duel.

    July 3, 2014
    • Just defuse the duel with lots of hugs all around. ๐Ÿ™‚

      July 3, 2014
    • According to Alice, there’s no water in the river this year. We likely won’t be floating. We did it one year when the water was really low, and we ended up portaging half the time. It wasn’t very much fun.

      July 3, 2014
  7. damn politics! happy fourth to you –

    July 3, 2014
    • You too, Beth. Hope those grands have a grand time together.

      July 3, 2014
  8. There is always one in the neighborhood who believes freedom means making others put up with major jackass moves. Wish these types would move to an undeveloped area where they can be completely free to jackass all they want.

    July 3, 2014
    • It’d be interesting to put a bunch of them together and see how long it took them to turn into Lord of the Flies………..

      July 3, 2014
      • Give each an AK47 to hurry the process along.

        July 3, 2014
  9. Ha! If I were Bill Cosby, I would have run screaming from the stage. Though that was hilarious! But I love those town names! Someone had a sense of humor when the towns were named.
    Have a great fourth!

    July 3, 2014
    • I really think knots of people from Denmark, Norway, etc., settled there………maybe they were homesick.

      July 3, 2014
  10. Am I the only one that can’t believe it is ALREADY the 4th of July? Where does the time fly?

    July 3, 2014
  11. That is a great story.

    July 3, 2014
  12. This is fantastic. I cannot wait to get there and hear these conversations in person! I might have to pack Depends.

    July 3, 2014
    • I hope we can get you around some characters who don’t disappoint.

      July 3, 2014
      • I’m not above finding and visiting a Walmart to get myself a healthy dose.

        July 3, 2014
      • You don’t typically have to go that far around here…… ๐Ÿ˜‰

        July 3, 2014
      • I am giddy with excitement. ๐Ÿ™‚

        July 3, 2014
  13. tarakianwarrior #

    Heading to the cabin for the 4th of July weekend. It’ll be the last time there for approximately five weeks. There’s a golf course in Meadow Creek that sets off huge fireworks and so we’ll go over there in the evening, then back to the cabin.

    Enjoy and soak it in Andra (you always do – the positive as well as the not so positive). Looking forward to the next adventure.

    July 3, 2014
    • I hope your cabin break is awesome, Lori. I hope you’ll post photos if you decide to do the ride.

      July 3, 2014
      • tarakianwarrior #

        Didn’t do the ride. We had to get the rest of the wood in so we can split it in the Fall so there wasn’t time…and the 100 degree heat kind of convinced me not to do it all by my lonesome. Got some tubeless tires so I don’t have to worry about a blow out…or do I?

        July 7, 2014
      • Hauling wood in had to be hell in 100 degrees, though!!

        MTM would be the expert on tubeless tires. I don’t think he has any, but he keeps his bicycle part haul secret from me. ๐Ÿ™‚

        July 7, 2014
  14. OMG that video! Oh, thank you so much for posting that! I got such a great laugh out of it. Sorry about the politics and the majestic oak. Have a happy Fourth!

    July 3, 2014
    • I’m glad MTM’s biking buddy Chris reminded me of it last weekend. Thanks, Carolyn.

      July 3, 2014
  15. Yep. Good story. We’re in La Jolla for the 4th. It’s my sister’s birthday.

    July 3, 2014
    • Happy Birthday to her!!

      Way to leave me hanging on the pages. ๐Ÿ™‚ I have notes, and I’ll get them to you sometime after the holiday.

      July 3, 2014
  16. And I hope Alice’s father went back for the police!!!!

    July 3, 2014
    • Nope. No police.

      That’s not the only crazy 4th of July story from around these parts. Several years ago, we were on a boat parked in a slip, and another boat blasted into a slip across the inlet. They were playing their music really loud, and a man in a houseboat came out and got into a screaming match with them. They refused to turn it down, so he went and got a flare gun and threatened to shoot them with it. We sat there, eating potato chips and sipping our drinks like we were watching a movie, but it was really kind of scary. The loud music folks called the police, and Flare Gun was arrested. That’s entertainment.

      July 3, 2014
  17. Nancy Glenn #

    When I married way back in 1970, my husband was teaching English in a little town named Norway. I had never heard of Norway, South Carolina. Norway and Denmark…really???

    July 3, 2014
  18. Happy 4 th!

    July 3, 2014
  19. Debbie #

    I love that video! I never get tired of watching it. A couple of years ago we made everyone who came to visit watch it! Heading to a beach house on IOP with all my family! Can’t wait and fortunately there will be no FUFF. Happy 4th of July to all!

    July 3, 2014
  20. …..and don’t forget Ninety Six! ๐Ÿ˜‰ EVERY state has places with strange names when you get right down to it though….. IN has such places as Lapel, Trafalgar and Santa Claus.

    We don’t need sorry souls to cut down majestic trees….Mother Nature has been taking care of that for us lately!! Happy to read that Arthur isn’t appearing to be a major threat to Charleston.

    Hope your 4th is full of fun, floating or otherwise, and that there are no duels!

    July 3, 2014
  21. Too crazy…..enjoy your commemoration of the birth of the home of craziness:)

    July 4, 2014
  22. I think I remember seeing pictures of you floating in the water with a gin and tonic in hand. Was that a 4th of July? Enjoy your weekend and I hope Arthur does not wreck havoc on your fun!

    July 4, 2014
  23. Class!

    July 4, 2014
  24. I certainly did not know there was a Denmark, South Carolina. I’m so glad you had time with Alice. I hope you were able to give her some comfort–it sounds like she needed some of Zena’s Rescue Remedy!

    July 5, 2014
  25. I LOVE everything about this story!! Country Boy took a new job with our southern city a few months ago — he’s essentially the mayor of the trees — and he is constantly tangling with crazypants residents to keep them from destroying majestic trees. Today he fined someone for “tree abuse” based on an incident involving an 80 year old banyan tree and an ax. I am going to print this gem out and leave it for him as a reminder that he probably needs to brush up on his dueling skills.

    July 10, 2014

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