MTM’s collarbone surgery is at 2:30pm today. It’s scheduled to take 2 1/2 hours. We both appreciate thoughts and prayers (especially since MTM won’t be able to eat all day. People are prone to become grouchy when they can’t eat………..though bad nurses are always grouchy.)
Feeling overwhelmed makes me grouchy.
And I should be thankful.
I just spent three days at the Grove Park Inn in Asheville, North Carolina. The place was spangled for the holidays, and the arctic weather was the perfect accompaniment to twinkling lights and stone fireplaces big enough to cook a person on a spit.
But between tying MTM’s shoes (and other things you don’t want to read) and racing to various Rotary sessions (because that’s why I was there), I never even sat in the grand lobby of the Grove Park. Never let the heat of the fireplace flame my cheeks. Never took note of the decorations or collapsed in a rocking chair.
I failed at nurse, and I failed at Rotary.
But mostly, I failed at being in the moment.
I feel guilty for dragging my injured husband four hours one way, all because I feared losing my money and my potential for continued Rotary leadership. I spent the entire time doing nothing well. And in the end, I didn’t get the position I wanted anyway.
I don’t know how to process that.
But I know MTM needs me. To be strong. And patient. And present. In the coming days, I just want to be my best for him.
The rest is noise.
I’m over it.