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The Mote in my Eye

A quick post.

I’m writing. And recording. In a cabin outside of Brevard, North Carolina. Thanks to the generosity of Chris Mills, I’m writing yards from Cardinal Road.

The ocular toxoplasmosis in my right eye has flared in a mighty way. Days before Christmas, my tree looks like I’m peering through frosted glass on one side of my head, a sensation that induces dizziness and even seasickness.

Merry Christmas to me!

But on the upside, I’ve figured out how to fix flubs in my recording software. I’m zooming along now. If I can deduce how to remove some reverberation, I’ll be set. My voice isn’t the greatest, but it’s honest. I hope you’ll enjoy listening.

And please forgive me for being scarce. Screen time is murder on my eye. I wear an eye patch and write, write, write, but I’m tuckered out after a few hours.

Bear with me. I’ll read and respond as much as I can.

In the meantime…………..

Does anybody have a good holiday joke? Please share it in a comment and add some gaiety to this season.

54 Comments Post a comment
  1. this one isn’t holiday themed…

    “What do you call a pirate with two eyes and two legs?”

    (A rookie!)

    Hang in there Andra!

    December 15, 2014
    • tarakianwarrior #

      Love it!

      December 15, 2014
    • Very big belly laugh from me, too. Thank you.

      December 15, 2014
  2. That’s awful, Andra. I hope this clears up as soon as possible. You really have some balls just marching on. Bon courage.

    December 15, 2014
    • I always take having balls as a compliment, Roger. From everything I’ve heard, it takes years, but I’m already more than a year in, so patience……..something of which I have little, but maybe this is there to teach me. Ha.

      December 15, 2014
  3. I’m glad to hear you got your technical issues sorted. I really hope your eye feels better soon.

    December 15, 2014
    • Thanks, Heather. Not all, but the biggest one so far.

      December 15, 2014
  4. i’m so sorry this is happening, and so amazed at your ability and will to power on. )

    December 15, 2014
    • I’m amazed myself. I just want to go back to sleep now. πŸ™‚

      December 15, 2014
  5. Hello Andra – just back from travelling – so sorry to hear of your woes – keep going – I have bought 2 copies of your book for Xmas presents for relatives. As regards jokes – the only ones I learned in Australia are too filthy or corny to repeat…….

    December 15, 2014
    • Jim, I’ve started several emails to you, wondering where you were. I’m glad to hear you were in Australia (and glad you got out before the attack in Sydney. We walked right by that place when we were there.) No joke is too filthy for me, but corny……….

      Thanks for giving the book as gifts. Two more coming mid-January.

      December 15, 2014
  6. What kind of motorbike does Santa ride?
    A Holly Davidson!

    Andra, please take care of yourself. All of the jokes and comments can wait until your hurting eye is better.

    December 15, 2014
    • tarakianwarrior #

      Oh so appropriate – a Harley joke from bikerchick – how awesome is that! πŸ™‚

      December 15, 2014
    • Hahaha. That’s perfect. Thank you.

      December 15, 2014
  7. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire…
    Frostbite.
    Feel better.

    December 15, 2014
    • tarakianwarrior #

      hehe

      December 15, 2014
  8. Okay then…a blast from your past…
    What famous playwright was terrified of Christmas?

    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    Noel Coward

    December 15, 2014
    • This one is my biggest laugh yet, especially as I love Mr Coward.

      December 15, 2014
  9. I’m horrible with jokes. But couldn’t move on without leaving you a {{{hug}}}

    December 15, 2014
  10. I’m sorry, I’ve got nothing for you but wishes for better health and perseverance. Hang in there, darling.

    December 15, 2014
    • Will do. Thanks.

      December 15, 2014
      • Okay, I do have something for you. I just got an email from a guy named Jayant Shitole… and yes, it’s pronounced exactly how you think. You think you’ve got it bad?

        December 15, 2014
  11. Love the PIC! You live in a beautiful place. Transylvania county, land of waterfalls is wonderful.

    December 15, 2014
    • I don’t live here. I’m borrowing a mountain house from someone else. And it is beautiful.

      December 15, 2014
  12. Here’s one:
    Q. What does Santa like to do in the garden?
    A. Hoe, hoe, hoe!
    You’re probably sorry you asked now, aren’t you? πŸ˜€
    I’m sorry about your eye. And don’t worry about being offline. You don’t need the eyestrain!

    December 15, 2014
    • Given that my memoir launches one month from today, there’s no rest for me, I’m afraid. A trillion things must be done, and I have to do them.

      December 15, 2014
  13. It’s a romantic full moon, when Pedro said, “Hey, mamacita, let’s do Weeweechu.”

    Oh no, not now, let’s look at the moon!” said Rosita.

    Oh, come on baby, let’s you and I do Weeweechu. I love you and it’s the perfect time,” Pedro begged.

    “But I wanna just hold your hand and watch the moon.” replied Rosita.

    Please, corazoncito, just once, do Weeweechu with me.”

    Rosita looked at Pedro and said, “OK, one time, we’ll do Weeweechu.”

    Pedro grabbed his guitar and they both sang…..
    *
    *
    *
    *
    *
    *
    *
    “Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year.”

    G r o a n……..

    On a more serious note, I am SO sorry to hear that your eye is giving you such fits; hope it resolves itself soon. (Is there really nothing to be done medically?) I’m glad you’ve mostly gotten the upper hand and won’t let the misery overpower your productivity though. Hugs.

    December 15, 2014
    • Hahaha.

      Medically, I could take a combination of very powerful antibiotic and steroid for a minimum of six weeks, though I’ve heard people having to take it for up to a year to finally blast this problem. That combo has its own short-and-long-term effects on a person, and I really don’t want to go that route unless I cannot see anything. In my research, I found another recommended treatment that’s newer, but we’ll see what my doctor says next week. I suspect since I can see, just not well, he’s going to tell me to deal with it.

      December 15, 2014
  14. Argggggg. Hate eye troubles. Hope you get relief. Can’t think of a holiday joke right now. If that changes I’ll come back (better lock the door)

    December 15, 2014
    • Eventually, I will. At least I hope. πŸ™‚

      No joke is too bad, John.

      December 15, 2014
  15. tarakianwarrior #

    LOVED all the jokes. Alas, I do not have any for you…get better soon.

    December 15, 2014
    • Jokes make just about everything better, don’t they?

      December 15, 2014
  16. Oh, Andra, I was so wrapped up in our eyeball woes here that I didn’t pick up on your eye flaring up. I am so, so sorry and hope it is starting to abate. Sending you hugs and prayers.

    As to Santa jokes, the only one I can think of right now is why did Santa take the sleigh? Because there was no ell. Chicago humor. πŸ™‚

    By-the-way, I did leave a review on Goodreads. Love the book.

    December 15, 2014
    • I haven’t said much about it until today, Penny. No worries. Tom is continuing to heal, yes?

      MTM will LOVE your joke, having lived in Chicago for six years.

      Thank you. I saw your review. I’ve still got to round up a few stragglers, but I wanted to give them plenty of time to follow through before I nagged. I got my first advance review from a large online reviewer, and the editor-in-chief wants me to submit the book to their memoir awards.

      December 15, 2014
  17. An old viking named Rudolf brewed beer with rain water. It was popular throughout Vikingdom. He became famous for his brewery and his motto:

    Rudolf the Red Knows Rain Beer.

    December 15, 2014
  18. Catching up and jumping on here from your previous post. I am glad that you are making headway with the recording software! Phew!

    I am so sorry about your eye, Andra! #notfair Sending hugs, kisses and healing thoughts.

    http://aqu52.files.wordpress.com/2013/12/funny-adult-christmas-cartoon.jpg?w=360&h=426

    December 15, 2014
    • Hahahahahahahahaha!!!!! That is HILARIOUS!!!

      I read your post about taking back your tree and tried to comment. Everything crashed, and given the state I’m in right now, I didn’t come back. Please know that I’ve never known anyone to take a tree back, but I don’t think it’s bad that you did it. You want what you want. πŸ™‚

      December 15, 2014
  19. I am sure you have already tried it, but best thing for the reverberation is a well padded room. (Useful in other ways too.) Even a quilt or towels hanging on the walls will help mute things and kill reverberation.

    As for jokes … How do we know Santa is smarter than Tiger Woods? Because Santa knows to stop at three ho’s. πŸ˜‰

    Feel better.

    December 15, 2014
    • I’m probably not describing it well. It’s backfeed (or something) when I say an s. I’m hoping I can equalize or work some voodoo magic and get that out. It’s only when it’s turned up all the way. At normal volume, I don’t hear it.

      December 15, 2014
  20. Jim Kane #

    Hum…

    Okay… here goes…

    What do you call an old snowman? … Water!

    Or how about

    Where did Santa Claus go for vacation? Wait for it….Santa Cruz

    Get well and be well!

    Jim

    December 15, 2014
  21. Best wishes for better sight and for your recording! On the up side it will be a VanGogh Christmas.

    December 15, 2014
  22. I am buried with work and all but completely absent from WP. Just a quick hello and wishes for better eye health. xoxo

    December 15, 2014
  23. This is too long to post so I send you: http://www.jokeindex.com/joke.asp?Joke=3564

    December 15, 2014
  24. What do you call a bunch of grandmasters of chess bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?
    Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!

    December 15, 2014
  25. Debbie #

    Hoping your eye gets better soon. I am enjoying the jokes on here as there has not been much laughter in my house the last couple of days.

    December 15, 2014
  26. I know you’ll feel better soon. Your great attitude can’t help but speed things along. And, btw, I still listen to the Christmas CD I won from one of your drawings two years ago – ’tis the Season. It’s the best!

    December 15, 2014
  27. Oh no! Feel better soon, Andra.XOXO

    December 16, 2014
  28. All the best xx So glad you found that studio!

    December 16, 2014
  29. I’m so sorry, Andra. I hope all of your energy goes into your writing and fully utilizing this wonderful studio. oxo

    December 17, 2014
  30. Gah! I vanish into a frosty cave of projects and emerge to injury and mayhem! Wishing you and MTM well, regardless.

    I am late to the laugh-in, but I shall offer you this perfectly awful one which is not holiday themed in any way:

    Two termites walk into a bar. One asked, “Is the bar tender here?”

    December 18, 2014
  31. What no selfie! In the meantime… get better quick!

    December 23, 2014

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